Dispatch 43

Dispatch 43
Rose Cottage, Idaho
May 27, 2019

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!

From a scientific perspective, I have had a very interesting month. As some of you are aware, I am well known for my technological interests and abilities. As proof of my ongoing interest in all things that employ moving electrons, I have not once, but twice, almost electrocuted myself. Of course, that is all in the past but a chap does not easily forget waking up on the floor, hair still smoking and fingers tingling. Twice.

No, my new tech interest is more biological in nature. I decided to have my DNA sequenced in order to discover more about my ancestors and what they may have been up to. Given all the embarrassing mishaps I have suffered in my life I have often suspected I am paying for the sins of my fathers and I want to get to the bottom it.

I sent off my cheek swab (DNA sample) to the company 23 And Me, an outfit that promised to break down my global ancestry by percentages and allows me, so the ad stated, “to connect with my DNA relatives.” Just my cup of tea, no chance of electrical burns!

Three weeks later I received the analysis in the mail and I was instantly impressed. What detail, what insights! I am about 60% Germanic and 15% English. No surprises there, but the kicker was a full 25% of my DNA originated near South Africa, specifically in Madagascar! How interesting!

It turns out that I very closely related to a cultural group called the Lemurs, a geographic tribe I have never heard of. You can imagine my delight! Apparently, this group is very social like me, not very tall, like me, and highly intelligent. Well, two out of three is pretty good. In terms of the culinary arts, something close to my heart, they specialize in preparing fruits and vegetables that grow on the island.

Currently, I am attempting to contact any of the Lemur family and establish some pen pals. I think it would be wonderful to know more about this major branch of my family tree and perhaps one day visit Madagascar and meet my distant cousins. I cannot even imagine how I, a simple Idahoan, could have the luck to be related to such an exotic culture. I wonder what that their art, music, rituals, and religions are like? I have promised myself to one day find out!

Well, besides dealing with all the rain the only adventures I have had lately have been intellectual in nature. If I have to stay in the house so much it is good to have an inquisitive mind and a strong brain to exercise.

I hope you are all well and enjoying a spring with a bit less moisture than we have had. It is very green here but reminds me of the climate in Seattle. I wonder if it is raining in Madagascar?

Over and out for now.

“Some go to church and think about fishing, others go fishing and think about God. Old Trout just goes fishing, not much thinking involved.  
”-Old Trout, from On the Stream

Dispatch 42

Dispatch 42
Palm Springs Art Museum
February 11, 2019

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!

I am sure you agree that there is no good reason I should ever be in an art museum. Yet, there I was on Sunday morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed; under the thumb of Scout who had forced me into town, from our desert bush camp, for a bit of culture.

Now, I am also sure that most of you adventurers would not look my way if you needed insight regarding the meaning of a Botticelli painting or Bernini sculpture and right you would be. However, when it comes to the paint pallet I think my opinion is a good as the next fellow’s in regard to a Remington or Moran. Give me a good old American oil dabber, over an uppity foreigner, any day of the week.

I was having a pretty amusing time glassing the canvases and chuckling out loud over some of the dog's breakfasts that pass for art in this town. I have seen more aesthetic value on the sheets of plywood used in paintball wars! It was when I was sharing my observations with a few of my fellow patrons that the trouble began.

Up came one of those well-dressed Joes that look snappy but almost certainly could not clean a trout, or even a rifle, if their privileged life depended on it. Sensing trouble, my audience had drifted away and there I was nose to nose with a genuine art curator. He asked me what the disturbance was about and I pointed to the four by eight-foot modern art monstrosity and told him I thought he should not sell it to someone building a chicken coop because the hens would stop laying. That he ought to get his money back and invest it in a collection of kindergartner's finger-paintings. He replied that I had the artistic sense of a meerkat and should get back on my camel and ride into the desert or better, over a cliff. I said I would be happy to, right after I cleaned his clock. It was then, as I stepped back, rolling up my sleeves, and lifting my dukes that the security guards came around the corner.

Jeez, I don’t know where they hire these guys. I have had dealings with quite a few security guards in my time and they all have handled me like a sack of spuds being tossed into a boxcar. Before I could say, Rembrandt, I was out the front door and bouncing down the marble staircase. There I sat for forty-five minutes, licking my wounds, until Scout, who had been on another floor, came out exclaiming what a wonderful time she had had and where had I gone? I told her I had felt the need for a breath of fresh air and a practice session building slings, for twisted arms, out of old bandannas.

Well, we continued our morning in Palm Springs, she walking with a spring in her step, me limping along behind. If I am exposed to any more culture down here I may never see Idaho again.

----

Arguably the best painting ever made.  So much symbolism on so many levels. Certainly my favorite masterpiece. 

Dispatch 41

Dispatch 41 

Palm Desert Flood Plain

January 17, 2019

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!

It has been raining here for days. I am not kidding. We are talking deluge on a biblical scale. Twenty-four hours a day, full on deluge; I have seen coyotes wash past our house. The mountains are filling with snow, the reservoirs with rain. It is really putting a cramp in my sun-filled, poolside, snow birder lifestyle.

Everyone who lives here is doing a happy dance because now they will not have to shrivel up and die of thirst this summer. They do not care about snowbird comforts one little bit. They are so selfish, it is unbelievable!

Well, I should admit the Canadians who live next door remain happy. They are perpetually cheerful in their Gortex jackets and rubber boots. I am sure I could sneak up on your typical Canadian and hit them with a rock and they would still be happy. Rain does not bother them in the least. They are DELIGHTED for the locals. What nonsense. Well, what can you expect from a people who live mostly north of the arctic circle? They are grateful to not be eating their Canadian fur seal entrees and drinking fermented yak milk.

Anyway, this note is just to let you know we have not drowned in some flash flood or mudslide which are so typical of saturated topography.
That is all I have to say for now. If you need any sunblock let me know. We are not using any our twelve bottle supply.

PS. This is a snapshot of Palm Desert when it rains for days. It is a photo of a bunch of Canadians going to lunch at a restaurant on high ground. I am sure they are laughing and having a good time. GRRRR. 

 

Dispatch 40

Palm Desert – January 4, 2019

Greetings Adventurers! 

As you know, I am the type of fellow who refuses to say no to a new adventure. Today this trait led me to the local dog show. I have always liked dogs but have never actually attended a dog show so I loaded up Scout and off we went. I thought we would see a bunch of cute kids showing off their mutts. No, it turned out to be lots of rich people showing off dogs worth more than our car.

The first thing that happened was one of the local dog whisperers asked Scout what she had brought to show. She pointed at me and said, "Just him." They both looked at me for about thirty seconds with disappointment in their eyes and finally, the whisperer say, "Well, he certainly won't be 'Best in Breed,' will he?" Scout replied, "No mam, not in my lifetime."

Next, we continue on, watching the prancing around of many dogs and their uppty owners and I become hungry. Scout says, "Have a biscuit." Now, I have two college degrees so I happen to know, from studying English literature, that "biscuit" is what the English people call a cookie. I pick up a couple at the next table and boy are they dry and hard but taste pretty good, just like biscotti. Well, you know where this is going. At least my teeth are cleaner than they have been in a long time and I have had all the fiber and vitamins I will need for the next week.

The only bright spot was that Scout spent a dollar on a raffle ticket and won a prize--a free professional dog grooming session! Yes, you guessed it, I now have newly shampooed hair and a nice cut. They even trimmed my toenails and my ear mites are a thing of the past.

Yes, it has been just another day in the Palm Desert. We hope you are well and having adventures of your own.

Here are some snaps of the doggies, if you want to take a peek...

https://photos.app.goo.gl/

Dispatch 39

Field Notes - Dispatch 39 – Rose Cottage, American Falls, Idaho, USA

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!

   As fall quickly approaches, I find myself fondly reminiscing over this year’s fly fishing season’s high notes. As I lie in my anti-gravity lounger gazing up at the trembling golden aspen leaves, I ask myself, “Why the heck is this chair called anti-gravity?” A silly name if you ask me. They should have called it the “Gin and Tonic Reading and Snooze Machine.” But, as usual, no one asked me.

  This trout season was truly a humdinger. I set a new personal best by landing a thirty inch cutthroat trout and, you may find this difficult to believe, I did not fall in any ice cold mountain streams. Not even once! HA!  Apparently my cat-like reflexes have not deteriorated as quickly as the rest of me.

   Last weekend my brother-in-law Mark and I floated down the Teton River near Driggs, Idaho. This is a wonderful little river flowing beneath the mighty Teton Mountain peaks. Mark supplied the drift-boat, drove the car and purchased the fuel. He also supplied a cooler of snacks and beer, and did all the rowing. If I had known brothers-in-law could be so accommodating, I would have married off all my sisters when they were still in junior high. 

 

   Anyway, under my tutelage I feel Mark has made significant progress in his quest to be a fine fly fisherman and rowing expert. Obviously, he will have to row me down many more rivers in the years to come to achieve his goals, but I have every confidence in his eventual success as long as he does not run out of funds to purchase  our expedition supplies.

   Scout and I have also recently attended the Oktoberfest at Grand Targhee Ski Resort and gone to a sand-hill crane festival. There is nothing quite like drinking excellent beer under clear blue mountain skies, sniffing alpine scented air while eating brauts and throwing rocks at sand-hill cranes as they fly over head. Well, that last part is not true. Scout and I happen to be very fond of the old cranes and have, over the years, expended more energy than I care to remember trundling about the countryside to view them. 

 

   Speaking of large edible birds, it will not be long before we can all start looking forward to Thanksgiving and holiday season. I am not much for Halloween but from then on I can get pretty festive. It is not too early to visit the www.OldTrout.fish online store and purchase some useful and attractive fishing gifts for those on your Christmas list. All of this year’s net profits will be donated to….me. I need a six weight Sage fly-rod and what could possibly give you more holiday happiness than knowing you have helped to get that rod under the tinsel- trimmed tree for this good boy? So log on and spend freely.

   This morning I put the finishing touches on the airplane I have been restoring for the head-start school here in good old American Falls. It has been quite a project and has entailed some real learning on my part because my knowledge regarding aeronautical engineering is somewhat limited. Nevertheless, I have persevered and will be test flying the aircraft this afternoon given some decent flying weather. I have attached a commemorative photo for your Old Trout image collection. Wish me luck and  some good tail winds.

The wonderful story of a brave woman...

How one young female scientist decided to cope with online harassment

By Caitlin Gibson, Reporter

March 11, 2016

 

A young woman was surprised to find female scientist under-represented on Wikipedia — and decided to do something about it. (iStock)

On a typical day, Emily Temple-Wood, a molecular biology student at Loyola University in Chicago, juggles back-to-back classes, volunteer work and research projects in the school’s developmental biology lab.
Then she comes home, makes herself a cup of tea — and gets to work at channeling online harassment into female empowerment.

Temple-Wood has been an active Wikipedia contributor since childhood, and like many women with an online presence, she is often bombarded by emails filled with crude messages and misogynist slurs. But now, for every one of those messages she receives, she has vowed to write a new Wikipedia biography of a prominent female scientist.

Her effort began during a Wikipedia editathon in October 2012, when she searched Wikipedia for many of her female heroes of science and realized they were nowhere to be found. Furious, she sat in the hallway of her dorm until 2 a.m. writing a biography of Ann Bishop, a British biologist who was one of the first female fellows of the prestigious Royal Society.

Soon after, Temple-Wood founded WikiProject Women Scientists to help correct the gender discrepancy she’d discovered. It’s part of a larger pattern: Only about 15 percent of Wikipedia’s English-language biographies are about women, the organization acknowledges.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Temple-Wood’s effort triggered even more hateful emails.

Emily Temple-Wood, founder of the WikiProject Women Scientists. (Courtesy Emily Temple-Wood)

 

“It’s the stuff that gets yelled at you on the street, except someone took the time to type that down,” she said. “A lot of sexual solicitation, insinuations about who I’m sleeping with and how much and where, all that gross stuff. And then they get mad when I don’t respond.”


The emails kept coming as her project gained steam and the number of female scientists listed on Wikipedia climbed from 1,600 to 5,000. The barrage of abusive messages was sometimes hard to take, Temple-Wood says.
“I was just so frustrated,” she says. “I was like, I need to do something productive with this rage rather than sitting around and being angry — that doesn’t solve anything.”

So, a couple of months ago, she came up with an idea: She could use the harassment as a motivator.

Sleazy come-on? Meet Rosalyn Scott, the first African-American woman to become a thoracic surgeon.

Chauvinist remark? Profanity-laced tirade? Here’s Marguerite Lwoff, a French microbiologist and virologist, and Liliana Lubinska, a Polish neuroscientist known for her research of the peripheral nervous system.
“I decided to do something actually productive that would also make misogynists angry, because that’s the last thing that people who hate women want, for more information about great women to be out there,” Temple-Wood says.


This tactic hasn’t exactly stopped the harassment, nor has she kept up with the pace of the appalling emails. (“I have a backlog of 118,” she notes dryly.) But more than 370 of the new articles have been featured on Wikipedia’s homepage, and about two dozen have been peer-reviewed, which garners them a higher quality rating. Temple-Wood has also amassed a team of about 70 Wikipedia contributors who are helping with her project — and some of them have also adopted her practice of writing a new bio for each abusive online encounter.
“Instead of just being like, ‘God, that ruined my day,’ instead of being blindly upset, I just focus that energy into something productive and satisfying,” she says.
Siko Bouterse,  a former Wikipedia Foundation staff member, told the Wikimedia blog that Temple-Wood’s work has had a profound impact.

“It’s really important that she’s not just writing about white women scientists, she’s also working to address under-representation of women of color in Wikipedia,” Bourtese said. “When I was a kid, I could count the number of women scientists I was aware of on one hand. But I know our daughters are going to have access to so much more free knowledge about scientists who look like them, thanks to Emily’s efforts, and that’s really powerful.”

Even for many adults, Temple-Woods says, the Internet has become the primary source of information: If something isn’t there, it may as well not exist.
“A lot of these women, you can’t Google them and find their stories, they’re locked up in obscure books,” she says. “So we’re making these stories accessible to everyone, and giving these legacies their due. We call it ‘writing women back into history.’”

There’s still a long way to go. Temple-Woods plans to head to medical school next year, but she says she’ll keep contributing to her project whenever she has time.

“I would love for every single notable woman scientist to have an article on Wikipedia that is beautiful and comprehensive and complete,” she says. “So we still have a lot of work to do.”

Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2016/03/11/how-one-young-female-scientist-decided-to-cope-with-online-harassment/?utm_term=.7d4e1fdd7fdf

Howdy Everyone!

Just a note to let you know Scout has been having some trouble with her leg. When we got back from California last spring she had a numb spot on the outside of her left leg that was diagnosed as a pinched nerve. Apparently this is common among athletes so obviously I will never experience it. The docs said she should have gotten better after a few weeks but a couple of days ago in Trout Camp at Sun Valley her leg got much worse and she could not walk without a great deal of assistance.

We curtailed our adventure, got her home yesterday and over to our favorite doctor. In a conference call with her neurologist they decided to try her on a regimen of steroid that alleviate inflammation. They are puzzled as to why she is experiencing no pain at all but suspect she has a disk problem with her lower back. Scans did confirm this. But why no pain? Continuity of all nerves tested are nominal.

The meds really worked over night. Scout is gently hobbling around this morning and making my coffee. She hopes for a full recovery soon. I tell her the best medicine is hard work and by that I mean house work!

Anyway, I thought you might want to know. I hope you are all well and enjoying summer!

Artificial Intelligence

Have you thought much about the future of technolgoy and artificial intellegance in the next five years?  If you would like to know more you might want to watch this free documentry about just what our future might hold...

http://doyoutrustthiscomputer.org/watch

Artificial intelligence

Artificial intelligence is intelligence demonstrated by machines, in contrast to the natural intelligence displayed by humans and other animals. In computer science AI research is defined as the study of "intelligent agents": any device that perceives its environment and takes actions that maximize its chance of successfully achieving its goals.
What if humans stood in the way of an AI that was designed to achive its goal? Like an ant hill in the way of a super highyway developement project during the 1970's?

Dispatch 38

Field Notes: Dispatch 38 – Palm Desert California, USA

Sunday, March 31, 2018

Greeting Fellow Adventurers!

    Another season of research has concluded here in the desert. As I write these notes beneath the canvas shade of the tent’s awning I can see the boys packing the last of three months collecting efforts into the canvas bags that will be tied to the pack mules in the morning. Our train from town, twelve kilometers away, leaves tomorrow afternoon.

    As many of you have read in the scientific journals, I have been researching the local tribesman's custom of an activity called Pickle Ball. It is an ancient sport practiced in this desert region and was originally played using the shrunken (pickled) head an unfortunate member of a rival tribe called a “country club.” I have discovered that the club is actually a flat paddle-like weapon that can propel the pickled head to tremendous velocities. Somewhat macabre, but scientifically fascinating.

    This very morning while I was bidding farewell to the ignorant savages on their playing field, I noticed that they did not seem very sorry to see me leave. I believe they are quite fond of me and may see me as a kind of white man deity. Several husky fellows had brought an old rusty pressure cooker, vinegar and herbs of a strange sort. One hardy chap went so far as to hold a mason jar next to my head and began jabbering to the others in their unintelligible lingo. I think they may speak Canadian, but I am not sure. Certainly they are a very strange people who are preoccupied with the maple leaf, this from a tree that does not grow in the local biome. Again, fascinating. Anyway, I was forced to make a hasty departure and it required a bit of work with my old Colt six-shooter to spook them back.

    Well, to wrap up, I just want to say that the whole safari team has missed you all and that we will return to our little cottage on the Snake River Tuesday evening. Scout and I have enjoyed the warm climes here with our wonderful Minnesota and Idaho friends, but nothing is quite like our Idaho home.

Live boldly,

Old Trout

Me in camp two days ago...

Research tent and one of the boys...

 

Dispatch 37

Field Notes - Dispatch 37 – Palm Desert– California, USA

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!

My harsh life in the desert continues. I just stumbled in from outside and feel very discombobulated. While enjoying my Sunday cup of coffee out in the front yard sitting in the warm sun reading the newspaper, I fell asleep. I kind of tipped over and ended up looking like a snoring garden gnome for all the world to enjoy as they strolled by on their morning walks. Also, the sun baked the left side of my face so now I look like a croûton and I don’t feel very well. This is the sort of risk that lurks at every turn for Old Trout.

In addition to the physical peril, I am experiencing a crisis of faith. Scout took me to a lecture (free cookies!) at the university last week entitled, “Are We Alone in the Universe?" After teaching in the public school system for years and looking at numerous freshmen I had become certain there were aliens among us--maybe even in my second-hour class. Anyway, the guest speaker, an eminent scientist, explained that, statistically speaking, there is almost certainly life on other planets but that it may only be at the microbial level. After Scout explained to me what microbial meant, I experienced an existential earthquake. My whole reality had been based on the assumption that aliens would be big enough, and smart enough, to have excellent and numerous bakeries, that they would conquer humans, not with laser weapons, but with superior baking technology, thereby save humankind from itself by pelting us with excellent bread and cakes. When I heard that we only had tiny bugs to look forward to, I felt the earth crumble from beneath my feet like a peanut butter cookie, metaphorically speaking. I have been in a state of angst ever since.

So now I find myself sunburned, without faith, and the laughing stock of the neighborhood-- a fried gnome without a spiritual home. That's me.

I hope this Sunday is finding you in a more placid state of mind and that your face has not suffered from the skin peeling rays of solar radiation.

Dispatch 36

Field Notes - Dispatch 36 – Rose Cottage– American Falls, Idaho, USA

Sunday, December 29, 2017

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!

This afternoon the local cavalry troop used their freight wagons to transport our safari equipment down to the railhead. The steam train puffed into our small town right on time. (A branch line reached our hamlet only this spring.) The men worked hard loading dozens of wooden crates, filled with our scientific instruments and padded with straw, into the boxcars as I supervised their work. It was reassuring to hear the snap of the locks after the doors were rolled shut. Finally, we are ready for our adventure.

Yes, this year we travel by rail going South, down out of good old Idaho, through the Mormon country of Utah and then cross the wasteland of the Nevada Mojave Desert to our base camp in the sands of Palm Desert, California. There, for our sixth season, our fieldwork will continue. Under that blistering desert sun, I am sure, one day, we will discover and excavate fossilized dinosaur eggs. And prove beyond doubt that cavemen possessed omelet technology.

We will leave at first light in the morning. Or, more likely, around tenish after I have a coffee and Danish. I am not one to risk my health getting up early in the dark. I might trip over a cat. We will spend our first night in the capital of the Utah territory, Salt Lake City, and then the second night in the lonely, snow-encrusted, mountain outpost of Cedar City, Utah. Next day, onward to our final destination.

Barring derailments and Mormon train robbers, we will arrive at our safari camp January 1. I understand the local tribes are preparing a welcome feast and celebration for us. It will be good to taste bush meat once again and see my faithful camel, Spitster.

This will be the last telegram you will receive from Scout and myself until we reach our palm tree-lined oasis. I hope this missive finds you and your tribe greeting the new year in good health and spirits.

Over and out for now.

Dispatch 35

Field Notes - Dispatch 35 – Rose Cottage– American Falls, Idaho, USA

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!

A person might think that after decades of changing car oil, I would have developed a knack for it. Unfortunately, the person would be wrong.

I was under the “Faithful Subaru Adventure Wagon” the other day, wrench in hand, thinking about how few of my pals change their own oil anymore. It used to be everyone did. Now it is just me. As I was thinking these moribund thoughts the dang wrench slipped on the drain plug and I barked my knuckles on the cross member of the car’s frame. Will I ever learn to use a socket for this job? No, of course not. Why take the time to look for the proper tool when the 12 inch crescent is handy. After all, I’ve got things to do. No time to waste.

With bleeding knuckles I continue. I start spinning out the oil pan drain plug. Of course, my fingers slip on my own blood and the dang plug falls out and rockets to who knows where. Instantly the hot, molten, motor oil comes cascading out, runs into my hand, down my arm and pools like burning lava in my armpit. I yelp in pain, snap my head up and plant my forehead on the same steel cross beam that almost took my fingers off a few minutes earlier. At this point, I begin to once again question my commitment to self reliance and “can do” attitude.

All of this pain and I have not even started thinking about removing the oil filter which is placed in a location only a highly trained expert could find, let alone access.

Anyway, as I lay under the car bleeding and blistering I was thinking about how few fellows work on their own cars and trucks anymore. This makes me sad and somewhat envious. They never get the opportunity to mix their blood with used motor oil or have old mud fall from the car's frame into their eyes. They don’t get to swear a blue streak or enjoy the satisfaction of watching the new oil flow into the motor in a golden arc of sunlit wonderment.

How can we expect our young people to defend democracy and the American way when they cannot even change the oil? It’s downright worrisome.

Of course, MR is always telling me I should have the car taken care of by mechanics who know what they are doing. I tell her that any city slicker can lay down a bank card, but to pick a wrench and go to work is what made this country great! She retorts that those chaps, cloaked in history, knew what they were doing and that I don’t. “Humph,” I reply eloquently as I head for the garage.

Well, eventually I get the task completed. I may look like a sea otter after an oil tanker spill, but I get to enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done. Of course, it took me thirty minutes to find that drain plug and about the same amount of time to clean up the tools and the mess but so what? This is one American who is ready to defend democracy one quart at a time!

Over and out.

PS. MR got Brownie and snapped a photo of me working.

Dispatch 34

Field Notes - Dispatch 34 – Trout Camp – Boulder Mountains, Idaho, USA

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!

After concluding our kayak tour of the Teton National Park lakes we transitioned home, reconfigured the mountain gear, and one week ago established our season here at Trout Camp 2017. It has been a week of disappointment for this years freshman fishing class. As a consequence of last winters enormousness snow fall the streams are still high and the trout scarce to none existent. Everyday the regions professional guides come to me for guidance and reassurance. I tell them in a fatherly manner that the life of a true fly-fisherman is fraught with disappointment and not only that but sometimes there is not a thing you can do about. This is called hard luck. I tell them that at these crossroads of life you can chose the dark path of natural philosophy, give up fly fishing and become a birder and perhaps study wild flowers or, as I have done, build large camp fires each evening and, in a humble manner, prefect your own gin and tonic recipe while gazing up at the milky way. My course of action will not necessarily bring the trout back but it will dull the pain. Well, at least until an burning ember falls on your nylon pants they instantly catch on fire. My pants on fire seems to be this summers reoccurring theme.

So life goes on as it often does. Why the sad face. We are, after all, camped in a wonderful forest meadow next of an trout stream reading, napping, and eating. Life could be worse.

On the more sophisticated side of things we have been attending the Sun Valley Symphony. So far it has been a program of Russian composers. Now, as you know, I am not a fan of the red commies that stole our nations last presidential election and these composer chaps, while not being commies, were no barrel of laughs. Apparently they composed very sad symphonies to commemorate their impending departure to a Siberian stalag or because their best fishing pal just committed suicide for pretty much the same reason. Not many toe tapping tunes with that crowd. Where is Gershwin and his American In Paris when you need a bit of cheering up?

Well, as you can see I am a bit down in the dumps. Wouldn’t you be if you were contemplating going to a lake and fishing with bait just so you could see a trout? Yes you would be. I know you. MR seems to be taking all of this disappointment in stride, as usual, and loves the Ruskie composers. One can only wonder when patriotism fell out of fashion. Anyway, she is having a great time and while sympathetic toward the freshman class she honestly believes they will get over it. It only it were so. I am afraid we my be on the brink of losing a whole class of fly casters if thing don’t improve soon.

Well, that is all I the ink I can put to paper tonight. It is difficult to write through tear filled eyes now what I am thinking of all those poor little fly casters. It is enough to break even a Russian’s cold heart.

I hope your summer adventures including landing more trout than mine. I will watch the streams and keep you posted on the flow projections.

Over and out.

Dispatch 33

Field Notes - Dispatch 33 – Rose Cottage, American Falls, Idaho, USA, Northern Hemisphere

Thursday, May 29, 2017

Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!

You may have seen the report about me on the local news, but for those who did not, I may as well confess that on a recent camping trip I managed to ignite a fire in my pants.

MR and I safaried down to the Wasatch Mountains of Utah and, generally speaking, had a great time. For years I mispronounced the name of these mountains. I called them the Sasquatch Mountains and no one ever corrected me because, as usual, people are not very nice to me.

Anyway, before we left I asked MR if she thought it would be a good idea to purchase an off brand, imported, electric power inverter for the camper hut. That way we could, in theory, charge up the ham radio right there in camp from the four old car batteries I have duct taped to the back bumper. She said that any technology that might put a spark back into our relationship would be a good investment and slid the $12.00 over to me.

A day or so later, off we drove and safely arrived in camp. It was a wonderful spot near a small meadow complete with butterflies, lots of oak trees for shade and even an icy mountain stream running right by our camp. Perfect. All was well until the second day when I decided to try out Mr. Sung’s “Most Easy to Use” power inverter. I would attempt charging the cell phone as a test case.

I carefully read the instructions about three times. The document, written mostly in North Korean, inspired more questions than it answered but eventually I was pretty sure I understood the general protocol for the successful operation of the device. Now, I said to myself, time for the practical application component of the lesson, the stuff fellows like me excel at!

First off I attached the red alligator clip (alligator?) to the positive terminal of the DC (Demonic Current) battery array and clipped the black alligator (alligator?) clip to the little finger of my left hand, just like Mr. Sung’s instruction manual suggested. This apparently inverts (flips) the electricity’s spirit personality to AC (Angelic Current). The energy field created in my body then would radiate power into the phone located in my pants front pocket. Mr. Sung was very specific about the phone’s location. Why, I asked myself? Oh well, carry on!

I know this all sounds complicated, but remember I have been to college and am an American male so I inherently know what I am doing. At this point, I was feeling a tingling sensation throughout my body and I could feel the phone heating up so I knew it was charging. Unfortunately, a bit of trouble manifested itself at this point.

This is embarrassing to recount, but it has been reported on the local news so most of you already know what happened. The EMT at the scene reported that apparently, the electromagnetic field emanating throughout my body caused a biological anomaly that resulted in a complete loss of, well, “control.” Instantly the gushing liquid allowed electricity to arc from the my Samsung Galaxy 7 phone’s lithium ion battery to the frame of the camper, completing a circuit that resulted in the phone, as well as my pants, exploding in a brilliant eruption of yellow flame. (Note to self: As a safety precaution do not charge phone in FRONT pocket!)

MR, who was reading under the shade of a nearby tree during these few moments said that as I streaked by her in a beeline for the stream I appeared to resemble a large, howling, 4th of July bottle rocket--yellow flame propelling me at near mach 1 speed, a plume of black, acrid smoke marking my trajectory. I made a landing in the creek like an Apollo space module at splashdown but without the parachute. It was at this point that MR called 911 on the ham radio. This is not an unusual occurrence for the poor kid when camping with me.

Well, several hours later, after the local news film crew and EMTs left our campsite, MR asked me what I had learned from the day’s events. I replied that the next time we went on safari I would leave all electronic devices at home and instead use my time to perfect my s’mores recipe.

Me and a camp fire, what could possibly go wrong?

Dispatch 32

Field Notes - Dispatch 32 – Rose Cottage, American Falls, Idaho, USA, Northern Hemisphere

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!

Who doesn't like a wedding? What is not to like? Happiness abounds, there is lots of laughter and free food. Just the the ticket as far as I am concerned. This week I attended a wonderful spring wedding of a niece who lives over near Boise. It was held outdoors in a beautiful tree lined venue with a professionally barbecued hog (an Idaho specialty) and free beer (two of my favorite words in the English language.) So why was it such a difficult trip?

You must remember that Boise is on the the other side of our great state from American Falls, my village. Now that is about 3.5 hours of travel one way as fast the Pony Express can go. My math skills are not everything they might be but I reckon that comes close to eight hours travel for a round trip. Most of you don't know my sisters (all four) but they are not like me. They like to talk, and talk they do. If they had a gold medal in the Olympics for talking they would be as famous as Mark

Spitz is for swimming. Anyway, I was tossed into a car (seemed like a phone booth size), two of my talkative sisters were added and so was MR. My sisters locked MR into “chat fest loud mode” and we set off on the adventure. Also, please know that we were being bounced up and down like bronc riders in a four wheel drive SUV because the stage coach road to Boise is very primitive to say the least. Many hours of this bouncing and “conversation” and I was certainly ready for some free beer.

We did arrive, and like I said, I do enjoy a wedding. MR always cries at weddings and people always come up, put their arms around her, give her a hug, and ask what the problem is. Invariably, she looks my way and begins sobbing even harder. Then everyone starts looking my way and when they realize I am her hubby they start weeping for her and continue to pat her on the back. Sometimes they shake their fists at me. Well, this always makes me feel like a real fish but what can I do? By this point I am usually on my fourth mug of beer and dancing like a Comanche with a couple of the bridesmaids. This all happens well before the wedding ceremony even starts. I am not much of a looker but I know how to have a good time.

The bride and groom were everything a fairy tale requires and the guests were congenial. After the nuptials I met most of the groom's extensive family and they were astonished at meeting me. Well, you know how charming I can be and I like to think I was at my best. I pledged loudly, and often, to all present that I was their best pal and would fight to the death any snake who said different. It was about at this time I was locked in the car.

I really don't remember much of the ride home except that the chatting never stopped and I was the object of much of it. As I recall the general theme was, “What is to be done about Old Trout?” Fortunaetly, I missed most of the chatter as I spent the majority of ride in the back seat sing Roy Rogers songs to myself and dozing on and off.

That was my adventure for this week. I hope I get invited to another wedding soon but MR says the probability is remote at best. There is a better chance of me being hit by a meteorite. So, optimistic me, I keep looking up!