Dispatch 49
Rose Cottage, American Falls, Idaho
October 25, 2020
Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!
Call it callous, but that badger got what he deserved.
I realize that is a harsh introductory sentence but by golly there are times in a fisherman's life when you have to draw a line in the sand and stand your ground. Let me explain.
A few mornings ago I was happily riding my mountain bike on a dirt path next to a irrigation canal minding my own business. All was right in the world, as we say here in Idaho. I was out getting a bit of exercise, at Scout’s insistence, and having some fun with my sixshooter. As you know, out west it pays to be a good pistolaro as one often one finds oneself in tight spots far from the cozy protection of our fine local lawmen.
It was at this moment I spotted, a fair piece up the trail, what I took to be a small coyote. I stopped my bike in order to observe the creature and thereby increase my extensive understanding of the critter world when, uncharacteristically, critter stopped, turned my way, paused but a moment, and then started advancing upon my position in a most aggressive manner!
By this point I had reassessed my critter identification and realized I was facing the two beady eyes and sharp teeth of a full-grown badger! Not only that, it was making a beeline for me at what I believe was full badger speed. Yes, I was in a tight spot!
Now, those of you who have been reading my dispatches over the years know that I am a consummate outdoorsman and a cool hand when dealing with all things woodsy. Obviously, I panicked and ran. Unfortunately, in my panic I had forgotten I was still straddling my bike! I found myself laying on the ground my legs still pumping, entangled in the bike that was on top of me. The badger was closing in fast! That is when I reached for my gun.
You probably think you know how this story ends. You would be wrong. You see, I was returning from the firing range and was out of ammunition. I knew the pistol was empty, but, ha, the badger did not! If figured the badger would have to assume the gun was loaded and act accordingly. Any rational badger would high tail it out of there. Yes, friends, I was pulling the famous Idaho Badger Bluff, well known to many an Idaho cowpoke on the open range.
You can imagine my surprise when the badger called my bluff and kept coming. At full speed! Gosh, what a stupid badger!
Well, I was in a fix. The badger was almost upon me and I could just feel those teeth sinking into me. What did I do? I starting whimpering and crying like a little girl, that's what, and you would too.
I’m thinking my fishing days are over as I watch that evil badger bear down on me. Then, at the last moment, it jumps to the right and dives into a badger hole that I had overlooked in all the excitement. He disappeared as though he had never existed!
Praise be, I was saved! I would live to see another western sunset!
Well, I disentangled myself from the bike and stood up with a new lease on life. I stopped sniffling, walked over to the badger hole, and did what any western he-man would do. I kicked a bunch of dirt and rocks down that hole! Then I covered over the hole with a heavy chunk of sagebrush! That will fix him, I figured. That badger got just what he deserved!
