Rose Cottage, American Falls, Idaho
Sunday, July 12, 2020
Greetings, Fellow Adventurers!
As you may have heard, there is a bug going around and we are hunkered down, and not fishing or camping. I will not complain about it, but gosh it is hard on a devout outdoors man such as myself.
However, that is not the worst of it. Because I have found myself with some time on my hands, Scout has decided that “home improvement” projects are on the menu. Initially I thought this meant ordering a bigger TV and new surround sound system, maybe even a high capacity popcorn maker, but no, my erroneous assumptions were quickly and brutally dispelled.
I will not dwell on the litany of improvement projects, but let’s just say it is expansive and involves many power tools--equipment I know little about and seem to be possessed by evil spirits determined to kill me. The Skill saw haunts my dreams.
It is said that a good carpenter measures twice and cuts once. The fellows down at the hardware store have often said that I measure twice, cut many times, and then come back for more lumber. Obviously, I do not count them among my inner circle of friends, they always seem happy when I come by.
Apparently, my last building project required so much additional lumber that the owner of the lumberyard was able to buy a new outboard motor for his fishing boat. One wag at the counter suggested I was responsible for the clear cutting of a mountain side of old growth timber up North. I wish I could take my business elsewhere but there is only the one lumberyard here in town.
Fortunately, power tools and carpentry are the strong points in my handyman skill set. The low point is painting. Painting is boring and slow. It demands a steady hand, attention to detail, and someone who gives a hoot. I possess none of these attributes.
My motto is: Slather it on fast and thick! Get it done quickly and let’s go enjoy a beer on the patio. For instance, if I am painting a door I see no point in removing the hardware or masking off the surrounding walls. My current record for painting a door is just under three minutes and that includes both sides and a lot of carpet near the door. After three days that door’s hinges still won’t work. Did I mention the door is on the bathroom? Thank heavens it dried in the open position. If you drop by, just say hi to whoever is on the throne when you walk by. We’ve become pretty informal around here.
I have seriously considered buying a power washer and simply filling it with paint. I wonder what the fellows at the lumberyard would think? Really, I could paint the house and our cars in an afternoon. Maybe less.
I’m thinking tomorrow I will start a plumbing job. I am feeling confident and I have plenty of time for corrections. Does it matter that I don’t know where the main water valve to our house is located? Well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. And I may need a bridge if I flood the basement.
Next week I may try my hand at electrical work. What does 220 V mean anyway? I guess I will just plug the toaster in and see if the outlet is working. It can’t hurt to try. Scout is encouraging me to move this project up the list. I wonder why? Maybe she would like some toast.
I hope this dispatch finds you healthy and using your tool belt in a safe manner. Scout and I miss you all as much as we miss the trout streams.
Your Pal,
Old Trout
