Field Camp, Palm Desert California
March 17, 2020
Greetings Fellow Adventurers,
For years I have been warning my fishing buddies about the dangers of drinking Mexican beer and now look what has happened. The whole desert around me is cursed with what the old timers are calling Corona virus. I myself have always enjoyed Coors beer, made with pure Rocky Mountain spring water and look at me, 55 years old, and still as healthy as my camel, Pete. But, of course, people will not listen to Old Trout. They have to have their expensive foreign beer and then stuff in a lime, so they can stand to drink it. What has happened to Americans? Now we all are paying the price.
So what is my sage advice now that we are in the soup? Well, here it is. Step by step.
1. Drink Gin and Tonics. Alcohol kill germs and does it from the inside out. Guess where the germs are? Yep, inside! That is a medical fact. Take the fight to the enemy, I always say! Remember to imbibe soon, as Corona 19 gives you only 19 days from first symptoms to “last rights” so act fast pardners.
2. Do not buy any TP. What is the point of that? We all get free catalogs in the mail and the outhouse has a good stock. Buy more gin with that TP money.
3. If you cannot help hoarding, at least collect something useful like dark chocolate, ammunition, or trout flies. I myself have hoarded over 300 trout flies and the security they give me helps me sleep at night.
4. Social distancing. Do not get within six feet of other people. I have never had a problem with this step because I have found most folks are more than happy to avoid being near me. I suggest you cut out a 12-foot diameter doughnut of plywood and nail a set of old wader suspenders over the center hole. March around with that on and the problem takes care of itself.
5. Do not shake hands. Instead, I suggest implementing the time-honored peace pipe instead. It may take a bit longer but the smoke keeps the mosquitoes at bay and it is a great way to meet new pals. Enjoy the sunset with a G&T while you puff away, you never know how long you have to live (19 days?). Take time to tell a fishing story or two. You will not regret it.
That is pretty much all the medical advice I have for you at this time. Remember, we have been in tight spots before and in the end we came out just fine. Well, except for that time in Moab, Utah, when I accidentally ordered a large milkshake formulated to purge local hippies’ digestive systems. That really was a medical emergency. Truly a close call. Could have used some extra TP then. Jeepers!
Over and out for now. Stay safe and soon we will all be together again in fish camp this summer.
